this place is so dead, it needs a joke. ripped from velocity forums.
So there was this woman who wasn't very old but she was terrified of the idea of a wrinkly, saggy face. She was constantly going in to the plastic surgeon and getting work done. Finally, the doctor decided to just install a knob on the back of her head that she could tighten whenever she thought she needed it.
A few weeks later, she comes back into the doctor and says, "This knob is working great, but now I've got these giant bags under my eyes that I can't get rid of." The doctor paused for a moment and then asked her how much she'd turned the knob. "Oh, I don't know," she said, "maybe 50 times a day."
The doctor took another moment and then said, "Ma'am, those aren't bags under your eyes, those are your tits."
"Ah," the woman said, "then that would explain the goatee."